Not too long ago, my 15 year old niece said something to me that was a marked impression. “Maybe you are too picky.”
Now, this was after I had told her I had another man in my life.
Background: Now, I have always been the type of girl/woman to invite the guy I am dating to family functions, dinners, celebrations etc. just because we are a bunch of folk that like to have a good time! We are an eating family. We laugh together. We have quality moments, so that is why, I want my guy to partake in these celebrations. Not so much as introducing him as ‘this is my husband’ but more along so as, hey this is my boyfriend, now let’s eat! LOL. But I never really had discretion when it came to introducing my boyfriend to my family. I never thought it was a ‘big deal’ as some people know it is. In the back of my mind, yes, I was always hoping he was ‘The One’ but never was quite sure in that moment. All I know is, I wanted to spend time with my man, so if that meant inviting him to our dinners, then so be it.
So any way, ME, PICKY? Lol. As If! (in my 1995 Clueless Cher voice).
Sometimes what, especially women, we fail to realize is being ‘picky’ or ‘choosy’ is not necessarily a bad thing, when it comes to allowing someone in our heart. Our heart, in my opinion, is the most sacred place someone can be. In a physical standpoint, our heart is the center of our life. When the heart stops, it stops our life. From that, it rolls over to the emotional standpoint. When someone has our heart, it affects our total life. Everything we do is centered around what and who we love. To me, this is why I choose to be picky when it comes to that portion of my life. Proverbs 4:23 says “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” NLT.
The New Life Version says “Keep your heart pure…”. Which means to me, hold in it what is pure. Pure Love. Pure Intentions. Purity.
Dating is a game to me. The other party plays tricks and games to get the other person to react the way they want them to.
Not answering calls / pretending to be super busy so they will blow you up
Giving short answers / having short conversations
Pretending you are going out with your girlfriends to get a reaction
Sending texts to your bf/gf and saying it was for someone else
Not returning calls until 2/3 days later
The list goes on.. and it is all a game to me. And for the life of me, I can’t understand why it has to be this way. But the FACT, it IS. And we are puppets to the dating ‘game’ because we must see how the other person feels and reacts. This assures us (based off of their reaction) that they are ‘in it’. At the beginning of the relationship we ‘pretend’ to be something we are not, and when we turn into the person we really are, that’s where the ‘rocky road’ begins because we weren’t truthful in the first place!
It’s NUTS. And I put an end to all of that. I couldn’t do it anymore, nor take it anymore. I was tired of the ‘pretend’ randoms who had no good intentions with my heart. Or maybe they did have good intentions until they realized how much effort it takes to sustain a relationship. When I say ‘effort’ I mean true listening skills, true prayer, true selflessness and the ability to be learned. Because when two different people come together, they first must learn each other’s language. Love language. Relationship language. And I truly believe, real relationships/marriages work because the two that are in it understand these important concepts.
So, now, yes, I am choosy. Very picky.
The 2nd best thing that has happened to me was the ability to hear God speaking through the Holy Spirit to me. Because now, when something isn’t right in a relationship, I don’t move forward. When He tells me ‘caution’, I don’t move forward. When he shows me their intentions, I don’t move forward. When I have that ‘gut’ feeling, I-Don’t-Move-Forward. PERIOD. And for a long time, I moved past what He was trying to tell me and completely ignored that ‘intuition’. My thoughts:
Well every relationship is not perfect, I will have to adjust
There are some things about me he probably don’t like
I’m too old to be starting over
I don’t want to meet anyone new, or learn anyone
He is a good guy, he isn’t a ‘bad guy’
He does stuff for me
He loves Jesus or He goes to church sometimes
At least he doesn’t smoke
But thank God for the freedom from worldly opinion! I don’t have to conform to what the world says about how your love life should be. Nor have to explain why I’m not married by now. Like there is 1 way that your life should go: by 25, married or have had a baby. End of story. *confused look* I’m so glad that I really don’t have to explain anything besides …they shouldn’t have made it past Hello. I agree with this. Maybe this is my testimony that will help someone later in life. Some people shouldn’t have made it past hello in my life, and my discernment should have been better. But as I grow higher in Him, my discernment is getting better. It’s more clear to me when He speaks.
But my story is, for where I am trying to go and what I am trying to do in my life, people can’t come. People can’t be connected to me for my purpose. With all the relationships that ended, I appreciate them. But everything I learned has made me better for who I am supposed to be married to. Romans 8:28 NLT “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good…”. Some people should not have made it past hello in your life. Some people should not make it past hello. So I am comfortable with being picky when dealing with my heart, because I wish to save it for someone that actually knows what to do with it. Call it what you want.