The feeling didn't shake from me.
I went about my day, but still felt this hole of emptiness as I sat there watching the minutes and days go by.
I didn't feel good enough. I felt I didn't measure up. I didn't know the purpose of of the why and what I am doing here.
The feeling of inadequacy crept into my heart and somehow made it's way to the surface of my life that one day. I know how I get when this feeling comes. I get distant. I question my moves. I question others motives and heart towards me. I question my purpose. I move silently judging my every move. I question the hard work I've been doing that appeared to amount to nothing.
The good seeds planted weren't springing forth, like the bible declared.
The fruits of my work wasn't reaping as I thought it would.
The days of my life ran together purposeless.
The calling on my life appeared to have no affect.
And thus, I felt inadequate.
As I prayed to God that day, tears streamed through a natural flow from my eyes to the curve of my cheek and down my chin. I even questioned did God even see this heartbroken woman with her wet face pounded into the palm of her hands - staring at a computer screen with demands of the job coming in every second.
"God, You said You will be with me!" I cried.
"For the Lord will not forsake his people; he will not abandon his heritage." He said. Psalms 94:14
"God, You said You had a plan for my life!" I cried.
"I certainly do. I who started the good work in you will [continue to] perfect and complete it." He replied. Philippians 1:6
"God, You don't care about what I am going through." I continued.
"Oh but I do! I care about you with the deepest affection and watch over you carefully." He shared. 1 Peter 5:7
"God, well why I don't find myself in purpose right now?" I asked.
"I just feeling alone right now in this world, God. I don't feel adequate and purposeful." I continued.
"So God, what do I do about the emptiness? I feel overlooked no matter now much good I do." I questioned.
As He spoke Word into my distress, I was (and am) reminded that God is very present with me. He is very present with us. He sees all and knows all. He works on our behalf behind the scenes - as He takes note of everything going on our lives.
Moral: We have to remind ourselves of God's truth rather than believe lies and give in to our feelings.