I thought I had a defined blog ‘topic’, but it is coming to me so random, that I don’t actually know what to call it. I have been going through some things in my personal life. Just really at a place where I have hit a split in the road. Any wrong decision, move or focus can lead me down the way I don’t want to go.  

I know that I am not a perfect person. I don’t try to be. My mannerisms show my true character. I don’t put up a face or a front. I am just me. I try to be a good person, I try to do right and be a good person in the relationships that mean the most to me. But sometimes the favor is not returned. In relationships, all I ask for is honesty, truth and to love me, flaws and all. In return I give you that. People say ‘you are a good catch’ and I say ‘act like you caught something good then’! For once before I get married, I just want to feel like I am his prize, his treasure. I want him to spoil me, just a couple of times so I know what that feels like. A guy to plan something on his own without me having to hint. Just to be like, ‘you mean more to me than this btw’. Just something. I have never gotten a treatment like this. I was always taking men out and doing things for them, just to return to me their basicness and sex. And I want to feel like I mean more to him than just that. Just for once, just for someone to match up their actions with what they tell me. 

For 1, I am not or never will be that chick that expects a man to fully take care of me financially. I really do have my own money. I have been paying my bills just fine, and will be able to do that in the future. However, I do expect to be taken care of as a girlfriend… if I want to go on dates, movies, etc, I should expect my man to do so, right?  

Its embarrassing when family say ‘Im going to have to do something about your love life’ or ‘we need to get you hooked up with somebody’. Its an embarrassment because I don’t want to make it seem like I look for stuff in guys. I just really expect men in mature relationships to step up to the plate. That’s all. I was talking with a guy who was like, ‘why are you asking for basic stuff in the relationship. that is a given to want to go out on dates. are you kidding me? dates? you’ve been really brainwashed. you should really expect more from him than dates.’ And I couldn’t help but agree. Out of all my relationships there was only 1 guy who I honestly said did that, but was going around screwing everyone, plus I gave him over $1000 in our relationship. To this day, I don’t remember what it was for, but he really sweet talked me out of that money frfr.

It just seem like I get overlooked because I have my own, and guys don’t expect to do a lot or work. Like guys like the independent woman, but the fact is, I am still a woman. In the relationship, I should be the woman. I really don’t make it hard for a guy to date me honestly, I just want to be shown what he tell me. It almost appears that guys say things so I’ll stay and stick around, which is not the case. In the ‘relationship’ I am currently involved in, on the side, there are plenty of guys that have tried to take me out to dinner, movies… all that, but I remain faithful, because my loyalty is always to my relationship. When it gets to a point where I am fine going outside my relationship for emotional gratification, then I know there is something absolutely wrong.        

IDK, just my thoughts.      

#courting #dating #independentwoman #relationshiptrouble

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