Dating is not fun when you’re in your mid 30s.
Well I guess it can be, if you’re casually having fun. Or maybe it can be fun if you’re not dating for romance or for a committed marriage down the road.
But when you’re bravely stepping back into the dating game after vowing to yourself it wasn’t happening again, you take a lot of precautions.
A lot of learned lessons should keep the counterfeits away. But most of us fall hard at the next grand thing that swoons us and we again can fall into a snare.
Wisdom is to be sought after but also kept (Understood). Proverbs 3:13 says so.
One lesson I’ve learned in wisdom is: don’t tell your date everything you desire to have in a mate.
The less you say, the more you truly know about a person.
(To be honest, that question “So what do you look for in a man?” in dating is so outdated. It’s a space filler. Something to say to look like you’re having meaningful conversation.)
It's not necessary that you spill your list of wants to a person. If it's God sent, they will be that as you learn about them.
For instance, if one of your desires is to have a mate who has God at the center of their life - it will be a consistent message as you converse or interact with them.
Remember: anything consistent in a persons life is whats important to them. Talk is cheap, what matters are their doings.
I’m not expressing don’t converse while you’re dating. What I’m expressing is don’t give a bulleted list to a person you’re talking to what you want. They’ll eventually know as they get to know you.
The reason why I tell you this is very important: there will be those who will make themselves be who you want them to be for the sake of being with you or even captivating you until their real personality peeps through.
You don’t want this type of person, unless you want to be disappointed later. Facades don’t last long. And either you will get frustrated about meeting this new person or they will get frustrated trying to keep up with a fake representation of themselves.
Also, what if your bulleted point change? What if you don’t want that trait or want to add to your list? We sometimes change, too, as we’re figuring out what we really want.
As you can see, no one wins.
This is why I‘m an advocate of:
#1 - being yourself
#2 - getting to know someone without strings attached
#3 - allowing space and understanding if it’s not a compatible match
Everything is so hurried now a days. What if we just took the time to get to know someone before making a decision? What if?