I’m going to try this thing again.
I tried to write this a couple of weeks ago, then a couple of days ago, but I couldn’t write it because I knew what I wanted to say. I had so much to say, that I couldn’t say anything! (Anyone ever felt like that?) So I am going to try it in a different approach.
Do anyone find it totally weird when people come to you with “Well let me tell you what happened..” or “Man, see what had happened was..” and it’s a biased story? Like they are the victim of what happened and all this bad stuff happened to them for no reason? For instance, too many times as women we go paint this picture of our boyfriend (or dare I say ex boyfriend) of him doing us wrong. But sometimes we forget we, too, played a part in the situation. Like we want to tell our girls ‘man, he cheated on me’ but we forgot that time we cheated on our boyfriend FIRST and he ended up finding out about it, even though we thought we kept that secret?
Or how about, parents, when you get all hype when your children come home with a story of how the teacher ‘treated’ them in class today, but forgot to mention they were disrupting the class first?
How many times we get caught up in stories like this? And we forget to give people the side eye like ‘well, what did you do?’
I watched Basketball Wives this past Monday, and that question again came up. In the middle of Evelyn talking with her relationship therapist, she was stopped by a question, ‘well what did you do?’. And I believe that is a valid statement to ask someone as they are going on and on about what happened to them.
Like, what was your part of the script? And watch how they pause.
In my opinion, this is the basis of how our opinions are formed about the 3rd party without us even knowing them. It has happened to me: in the past and recently. Passing judgement on me off one persons story about me, then POOF… there it is! Its true. She is like this and that. When in real life, I’m nothing like what I was characterized as. But if only that person asked ‘…well what did you do?’ Maybe it would have been a different story.
As I grow, this is one of the lessons I have learned. For starters, not to really go off in the heat of the moment in the first place, guarding what I say is a top priority. And when I am confronted by a person that has this ULTIMATE story to tell about something or someone, I ask, ‘well what did you do? What happened before the shots were fired? What was your roll?’
I have told my ex, ‘please don’t taint my perception of so and so when I haven’t met them yet.’ Because it is so true! How many times we meet a person that your friend have talked about previously and you are looking at them with the side eye, and you don’t even know them! LOL. Weird!
For no reason, pettiness.